Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

When you’re engaged - when you are seriously committed to one person with the goal of being married... And the kiss should be brief. There is a difference between a kiss and making out. The former is ok in this situation, the latter is not. A kiss is an expression of love and appreciation for another person. Anything beyond that is dangerous. If you really love someone you want to do it God's way, and you have to maintain the level of purity that consistent with God's Word, and not tempt yourself to go further than you ought.

Now this might sound crazy but I’m speaking from experience. I used to think kissing for long periods of time was OK. It wasn’t having sex so I was in the clear. I went crazy in this area not knowing that all of the intimate interactions I was having were feeding my flesh (my sinful nature) and began awakening a monster that needed to stay asleep. Once that monster was awake it craved more and more, and it was a tremendous fight to keep from going too far. I still struggle with sexual urges as a result of making out too much. Now I don’t kiss girls at all. It makes my life WAY too difficult and just starts me on that path that leads to where I don’t want to be…

Any time after you’re officially married before God to a person of the opposite sex, and not a moment before.

Yes, masturbation is also a sin and therefore must be abstained from. It violates sexual purity and mental purity and is a selfish way to gratify the impure sexual desires of an individual. Masturbation falls in the class of sexual immorality as it conflicts with the Bible, which instructs us to Honor the Lord with our body. The Bible also commands us to develop and maintain self control. Even though masturbation is normally done privately, it is still done before God. It does not honor God and therefore should not be practiced. Masturbation also leads to other areas of sexual immorality because it feeds your sexual drive, and makes it stronger and stronger until it forces you to continue feeding it in other areas.

If you have failed in this area before don't be discouraged; God will help you if you trust Him with all of your heart and pray and ask Him for help. Also, if you are a sexually passionate person who has come to Christ, you may fall into the category that Paul addressed in 1 Corinthians. You should pray that God will help you find a Christian spouse of the opposite sex who will love you and who you can love properly. That way your sexual drive can be used appropriately, the way God designed it - within the bonds of marriage.

Abstinence is to not engage in ANY kind of sexual activity. This includes masturbation, traditional sex, oral sex, anal sex, and touching private areas with the purpose of sexual arousal or gratification. Also maintaining mental purity is a part of sexual abstinence. It is necessary to remain mentally pure, which is refraining from thinking about committing these acts, or polluting your mind with thoughts of the acts mentioned above.

Sexual abstinence is NOT just refraining from having sex. We learn from the Bible that you can commit adultery in your heart, just by looking lustfully on someone without dismissing the evil thoughts that follow! Achieving sexual abstinence requires self control in our physical bodies as well as in our minds.

Oral sex is undoubtedly sinful before and outside of marriage, because premarital and extramarital sex in ALL FORMS is sinful. Also, oral sex is a dangerous practice where one can contract sexually transmitted infections and diseases such as hepatitis, herpes, AIDS etc. 

Some believe that oral sex is even sinful within the confines of marriage (between a husband and his wife) but I do not hold that view because I do not find support for it in Scripture. 

Yes it is. The Bible may not say “Though shalt not do drugs.” However it is clear in the Scriptures that we are to live holy and honorable lives and that can't be accomplished through drug use. Drugs are illegal and destroy the body.

The Bible also admonishes us to obey the law of the land. Obviously God did not save us for us to break the law. Also drugs systematically destroys the lives of those who use them, they contaminate the body and we learned in 2 Corinthians that we are to “purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body.”

Drugs are counterproductive in every way – they rob you of your finances, your health, your relationships. You can't function clearly and certainly can't do God's will when you're high. Drugs cause you to be a danger to yourself and to others. Consequently, doing drugs is not an option for Christians.

When you are 21 AND mature enough to drink without getting drunk. Drinking alcohol should not be something that’s done regularly, as it could become a dangerous habit and should ALWAYS be done in moderation.

That all depends on what you mean when you say party. If you are referring to a bunch of people getting together to get drunk and do drugs and dance all freaky with one another then the answer is no. As I said, I’ve never done drugs, but I am guilty of drinking too much and dancing too close with girls in the past. I had to make a change in my life to not do either anymore because it just isn’t pure.

However to party, meaning to get together to celebrate a birthday, or to just hang out with some friends, or to watch a game or a boxing match, then yes. There is nothing wrong with that as long as there is no illegal/sinful activity taking place.

I have to qualify this one. If someone has a tendency to overindulge and get drunk, or has a past drinking problem that God has delivered them from, OR they currently have a drinking problem, then YES they don’t need to touch alcohol ever again. My dad says in situation that “they shouldn’t even watch a beer commercial.” Otherwise they might fall back into the trap that God has freed them from or stay in the trap for the one still struggling with it.

But for others, no it’s not a sin to drink alcohol in strict moderation. Proverbs 20:1 says “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.” The key in this Scripture is “led astray.” So having wine with dinner or a couple of beers at home while watching the game is just fine. But drinking with the intention of getting drunk is not acceptable. Ephesians 5:18 tells us to not drink in excess. When you are drunk your judgment is impaired and it is even easier to sin in that condition. You become a danger to yourself and everyone around you.

Yes. It says it very clearly in the Old Testament AND the New Testament that homosexuality is not only sin, but is detestable to God and is NOT to be practiced. God designed us to be heterosexual and it is not God's will that we deviate in any way from His plan for us. Homosexuality is in the category of sexual immorality and should not be practiced.

To be pure is to not be a slave to sin. The goal of someone who’s striving to be pure is to please God and live life according to His word. They put God first above all things and don’t give into their flesh (their sinful nature). Those who are pure will certainly make mistakes and will sin from time to time, but they won’t tolerate sin in their lives. They recognize sin as sin, they repent, change their ways and keep fighting to remain pure.

Someone who is impure doesn’t care about committing sins or doing wrong. Someone who is pure realizes that it’s the decisions we make while we are on this planet that determine where we will spend all of eternity. The love of God is what compels those who desire to remain pure. Consequently they live for God while on this earth and will spend eternity with Him in Heaven when they are no longer on this earth.

I made this decision for a combination of reasons. But it all started with my father/pastor who steered me in the right direction when I questioned him about sex. He advised me to choose the type of life I wanted to live by showing me the pros and cons of having premarital sex versus abstaining until marriage. He showed me the example of Joseph in the Bible, who refused to sin by having sex before marriage. As a result, God blessed him tremendously and he wound up marrying a princess. My dad put it very plainly to me by asking me what I wanted. I want a princess and to be blessed with God’s favor like Joseph, so I chose to live my life in a way that pleases God just like he did.

Not at all. I know that the way I was raised, the relationship I had with God as a child, my dad, and a lot of other variables contributed to me being who I am and the way that I am today. And again, I was not able to do any of this by my will alone. God was (and still is) with me EVERY step of the way giving me strength and encouragement. To take credit for that or to think I’m better than someone who's had sex is terribly wrong. Pride is not a Christian ethic, humility is.

By the Grace of God! I know I can ’t do this on my own. I realize that EVERY SINGLE DAY because at one point or another I start to think certain things, or remember certain things that I’ve done, and I feel my flesh (sinful nature) like “yeah come one let’s go do it!” but I can’t. I can’t sin like that before God, especially after all He’s done for me. So I stay pure by keeping God in my mind and with my mind on Him I can’t be shaken off my mark.

To remain pure it is imperative to keep God first in life. Staying refreshed by studying God's Word, going to church and interacting with likeminded Christians is very important. Living a life of purity is not confining, on the contrary it is liberating! By having a personal relationship with God, and knowing His Word you'll know the truth. When you know the truth, the truth will make you free.

God's Word is truth, so it's essential that you read, know and apply the Word if you wish to be pure.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2

I would challenge you to prove the individuals you are referring to are truly Christians. A true Christian is not a Christian in name only – it can be seen in the way they live their lives. They live by God’s Word, and their goal is to remain pure and to please God in everything they do. Anyone who claims to be a Christian and doesn’t fit this description would not appear to truly be a Christian.

Not at all. I’m saying that true Christians don’t practice or tolerate sin in their lives - they don't make provisions to sin on a regular basis. Everyone sins at some point, but the difference is that Christians acknowledge what they’ve done wrong, they repent for their sin, and change their behavior so they don’t continue to sin. Sin is like an acid. The longer it stays in you the more it eats away at your life. Christians realize this and get cleansed from their sins as quickly as possible so they can remain pure.

Those who are not Christians sin regularly and it doesn’t faze them at all. They are oblivious to the fact that sin is destroying their lives. So anyone who practices sin on a regular basis and tolerates sin in their life is NOT a Christian. Galatians 5:24 says “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires,” because they love God and don't want to sin against Him. Conversely, those who live to gratify the passions of their sinful nature don’t belong to Christ Jesus.

First, let me tell you what it is not. Many people equate love with sex - hence the phrase “making love.” There is no difference between sex and making love. However many believe that there IS a difference AND don't distinguish or see the difference between love and sex. Sex can be reduced to just a physical experience without being in love with your partner. To be in love is MUCH deeper and should be established BEFORE sex ever comes into the equation. God designed sex to be the ultimate expression of love between a husband and wife. Sex, when done God's way, binds two people together not only physically but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

To be in love is to care for someone to the extent that you are concerned for their physical, mental, financial, spiritual and emotional wellbeing. It is a decision to commit to that person for the rest of your life. You opt to give your heart and your life to them because you're willing to make a life-long commitment to them which should never be broken. This kind of love is present between a man and a woman and should be solidified by marriage.

God is love and therefore love is absolutely pure. There is nothing impure about sex inside a loving marriage.